Coping with the Grief of Divorce

We think of grief in terms of the death of a loved one, but it’s important to realize that grief is present whenever there is a major disruption to our lives. When we recognize this, we can take control of the grieving process, work through our emotions in a healthy way, and come out the other side in a stronger position than we were in before. But grief is not simply for mourning the loss of a close relative. It follows any abrupt change in our lives and can skew our future considerably.

Grief and divorce

Divorce, separation, and even the loss of a significant relationship trigger the grieving process too. In some ways it can be harder than the loss of a close relative because when you lose a close relative, the situation is more cut and dried. You know what to expect from tomorrow whereas someone going through a divorce or the loss of a relationship may never have a clear picture, and the answers they find may breed resentment and animosity. The search for answers itself can complicate or delay the process of grieving. This is known as ambiguous loss.

In terms of grief, there are multiple theories on the stages of grief, but bargaining is always a part of it. The search for answers can stick someone into the bargaining phase and delay the grief process from moving forward into the next stage. Ultimately, there may be no satisfying answer that allows the person to move forward. There is only the fact that the relationship was unstable or otherwise holding one or both parties back.

The grief process

It takes about 6 months to manage a major loss in your life and to fully process all of the emotions that bubble to the surface. I know that you’ve heard of the 5 step process of grief, but in this article, we’re only going to talk about two phases: The acute phase and the post-acute phase.

During the acute phase, the feelings can be overwhelming. Many push them down or ignore them by distracting themselves. This delays the process of getting to the post-acute phase and can often cause other emotions to bubble to the surface or get mixed in with the grief. In other words, not dealing with these emotions head-on delays the post-acute phase.

During the post-acute phase and even during the acute phase, finding new meaning outside the context of a romantic relationship becomes paramount. If the grief feels like it’s more than you can bear, seeking the professional guidance of a therapist or counselor can make all the difference in the world when it comes to recontextualizing your life. While divorce spurs feelings of grief it is also a harbinger of major changes. But looking backward prevents these changes from manifesting.

Talk to a Philadelphia Divorce Lawyer Today

Lauren H. Kane represents the interests of Philadelphia residents who are seeking divorce. Call our Philadelphia divorce lawyers today to schedule an appointment and we can begin building your path forward immediately.